Discuss relationships, marriage, dating, friend zones and the single life here.
The Al-X Relationship Tread
- This topic has 1,002 replies, 27 voices, and was last updated 3 years, 3 months ago by
.
Author
-
Hello… Is it me you are looking for?
Are you drugs?
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
you hear people say things like, “they tried to change me” or “they should just accept me for who I am” and it’s complete bullshit.
Every relationship I’ve ever had has made me a better person. If you go into a relationship thinking you’re perfect and don’t need to change in any way, then it’s doomed to failure.
Yes, you can only try to help another human being, not “change” them.
Admitting your own personal flaws over time will help you, and everyone.
(Lots more could go here…)There are a few factors in my life on which I am 100% unwilling to compromise… on the other hand I don’t seek out relationships on whims based on wishful thinking.
Fair, and honestly wish more people could be honest about things.
This next point, well, remember I’m entering the workforce in the mid-late ’80’s
But when you’re meeting other adults older than you (but not necessarily wiser), it always seemed like a good 10% or more just should not be in relationships (this would be males, and working in the trades – my narrow view), and really seemed intent on remarrying multiple times (somehow succeeding in the beginnings of new failures).Again, that could open the door to a lot more, but those problemed people need to look at their own faults.
Do not have a fear of being alone. Just be on a better path. -
just have a wank.
Ladies do that about me but I digress…
Um… brag!
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
4 users thanked author for this post.
-
-
Age difference
Hasn’t this been dredged up in this thread a billion times already?
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
-
-
Love is love
-
Love is love.
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
Love is love.
It’s actually not, interestingly. The way love works on our brains, on the level of brain chemistry is quite different in different stages of a relationship. Random brief summary:
According to anthropology professor Helen Fisher, there are three stages of falling in love. In each stage, a different set of brain chemicals run the show. These stages are lust, attraction, and love. I will discuss each below.
1. Lust
When you’re in the stage of lust, you feel physically attracted and drawn to to the object of your affection. You want to seduce them (or be seduced). There may be an element of mystery or an intensity that makes things exciting—imagine a hot one night stand.Lust is driven primarily by the hormones testosterone in men and estrogen in women. Lust occurs across species and may be part of the basic drive to find a partner to spread our genes with. But lust is different than love. Injecting men with testosterone makes them desire a potential lover more, but not necessarily fall in love in any lasting way.
2. Attraction
In the second stage, you begin to obsess about your lover and crave his presence. Your heart races and you don’t feel like sleeping or eating. You may even get sweaty palms. You feel a surge of extra energy and excitement as you fantasize about the things you’ll do together. These feelings are created by three chemicals: norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin.Dopamine: Increased dopamine is associated with motivation, reward, and goal-directed behavior—hence the drive to pursue your loved one or create them in fantasy if you can’t be with them. Dopamine also creates a sense of novelty. Your loved one seems exciting, special and unique to you; you want to tell the world about his special qualities.
Norepinephrine: Norepinephrine is responsible for the extra surge of energy and “racing heart” that you feel, as well as the loss of, in some cases, both your appetite and your desire for sleep. It puts your body into a more alert state in which you are ready for action.
Serotonin: Scientists think serotonin probably decreases at this stage, but more studies need to be done. Low levels of serotonin are found in obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and are thought to cause obsessive thinking. In one Italian study of 60 students, those who were recently in love and those with OCD both had less serotonin transporter protein in their blood than regular (not recently in love) students.
3. Attachment
Attachment involves wanting to make a more lasting commitment to your loved one. This is the point at which you may move in together, get married, and/or have children. After about four years in a relationship, dopamine decreases and attraction goes down. If things are going well, it gets replaced by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, which create the desire to bond, affiliate with, and nurture your partner. You want to cuddle and be close and share your deepest secrets with him or her. You plan and dream together.Oxytocin: Oxytocin is a hormone released during orgasm (as well as during childbirth and breast-feeding). This may be the reason why sex is thought to bring couples closer together and be the “glue” that binds the relationship. There is a dark side to oxytocin as well. It seems to play a role in needy, clinging behaviors and jealousy.
Vasopressin: Scientists learned about the role of vasopressin in attachment by studying the prairie vole, a small creature that forms monogamous bonds like humans do. When male prairie voles were given a drug that suppresses vasopressin, they began neglecting their partners and not fighting off other male voles who wanted to mate with her.When you fall in love you’re on quite a lot of drugs. Which explains people making bad decisions during that stage, and why some people get addicted to this stage of love and keep breaking up and starting new relationships.
2 users thanked author for this post.
-
-
Love is love.
It’s actually not, interestingly. The way love works on our brains, on the level of brain chemistry is quite different in different stages of a relationship. Random brief summary:
According to anthropology professor Helen Fisher, there are three stages of falling in love. In each stage, a different set of brain chemicals run the show. These stages are lust, attraction, and love. I will discuss each below.
1. Lust
When you’re in the stage of lust, you feel physically attracted and drawn to to the object of your affection. You want to seduce them (or be seduced). There may be an element of mystery or an intensity that makes things exciting—imagine a hot one night stand.Lust is driven primarily by the hormones testosterone in men and estrogen in women. Lust occurs across species and may be part of the basic drive to find a partner to spread our genes with. But lust is different than love. Injecting men with testosterone makes them desire a potential lover more, but not necessarily fall in love in any lasting way.
2. Attraction
In the second stage, you begin to obsess about your lover and crave his presence. Your heart races and you don’t feel like sleeping or eating. You may even get sweaty palms. You feel a surge of extra energy and excitement as you fantasize about the things you’ll do together. These feelings are created by three chemicals: norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin.Dopamine: Increased dopamine is associated with motivation, reward, and goal-directed behavior—hence the drive to pursue your loved one or create them in fantasy if you can’t be with them. Dopamine also creates a sense of novelty. Your loved one seems exciting, special and unique to you; you want to tell the world about his special qualities.
Norepinephrine: Norepinephrine is responsible for the extra surge of energy and “racing heart” that you feel, as well as the loss of, in some cases, both your appetite and your desire for sleep. It puts your body into a more alert state in which you are ready for action.
Serotonin: Scientists think serotonin probably decreases at this stage, but more studies need to be done. Low levels of serotonin are found in obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and are thought to cause obsessive thinking. In one Italian study of 60 students, those who were recently in love and those with OCD both had less serotonin transporter protein in their blood than regular (not recently in love) students.
3. Attachment
Attachment involves wanting to make a more lasting commitment to your loved one. This is the point at which you may move in together, get married, and/or have children. After about four years in a relationship, dopamine decreases and attraction goes down. If things are going well, it gets replaced by the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin, which create the desire to bond, affiliate with, and nurture your partner. You want to cuddle and be close and share your deepest secrets with him or her. You plan and dream together.Oxytocin: Oxytocin is a hormone released during orgasm (as well as during childbirth and breast-feeding). This may be the reason why sex is thought to bring couples closer together and be the “glue” that binds the relationship. There is a dark side to oxytocin as well. It seems to play a role in needy, clinging behaviors and jealousy.
Vasopressin: Scientists learned about the role of vasopressin in attachment by studying the prairie vole, a small creature that forms monogamous bonds like humans do. When male prairie voles were given a drug that suppresses vasopressin, they began neglecting their partners and not fighting off other male voles who wanted to mate with her.When you fall in love you’re on quite a lot of drugs. Which explains people making bad decisions during that stage, and why some people get addicted to this stage of love and keep breaking up and starting new relationships.
To quote a song:
They say obsession biologically last 4 years at most
But science doesn’t apply to us
Some say we’re repeating patterns taught by our parents
But that’s just.
nahhhh
no
that’s not a thing
no no no, it’s not no no. -
-
So who is smarter, you or your partner?
Me and my right hand are comparable in intelligence, I believe.
-
o who is smarter, you or your partner?
Obviously, the smart one is the one who says their partner is smarter.
-
-
I asked this because some guys can’t really handle it when the partner (the woman) makes the better decision. If she is smarter overall the guy sometimes feels he lost the upper hand in the relationship. It is like when the woman makes more money.
And as I think we’ve told you on numerous occasions over the last decade or more that you’ve been making these threads, those views have no place in the modern world.
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
“Who’s smarter?” is a meaningless question.
Intelligence is not some simple quantity. It is a diverse and multifaceted concept. Emotional, academic, and experiential intelligence are but a few aspects.
In a strong, healthy relationship, the two people offset each other’s shortcomings in order to make a greater whole. That balance enables each person and the relationship to grow.
The correct answer is “we are equal in our own ways”.
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
-
-
-
“Who’s smarter?” is a meaningless question.
Intelligence is not some simple quantity. It is a diverse and multifaceted concept. Emotional, academic, and experiential intelligence are but a few aspects.
In a strong, healthy relationship, the two people offset each other’s shortcomings in order to make a greater whole. That balance enables each person and the relationship to grow.
The correct answer is “we are equal in our own ways”.
That’s obviously the answer of somebody who knows he isn’t the smarter one
-
The All-X Relationship Thread
Huh no it is the Al-x Re LATINO ship. Maybe it should be changed to the Jon or Eduardo Relatinoship thread
-
I like to talk about things that are related to relationships here.
I quickly mentioned smarter and Todd went on some introspective explanation but basically who makes the smarter decisions? Contrary to what Sensible said, it is relevant. There are guys who are chauvinistic who are very reluctant to admit or defer to a woman as having the better idea or perspective. Those guys don’t last long in relationships but they exist. I keep the thread light which is why I don’t get into wife beating or smacking the girlfriend around… I could get darker here but I choose not to as it is not in the scope of the thread.
Just saying.
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
“Who’s smarter?” is a meaningless question.
Intelligence is not some simple quantity. It is a diverse and multifaceted concept. Emotional, academic, and experiential intelligence are but a few aspects.
In a strong, healthy relationship, the two people offset each other’s shortcomings in order to make a greater whole. That balance enables each person and the relationship to grow.
The correct answer is “we are equal in our own ways”.
That’s obviously the answer of somebody who knows he isn’t the smarter one
Stop projecting your own inadequacies on others, David.
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
-
Too. Late.
2 users thanked author for this post.
-
i meant to reply rather than Thank that post. Al, what I think everyone else to trying to tell you is stop treating people generically. No men are alike and no women are alike. What Sensible is telling you is relevant. The way you talk about Chauvinistic men makes me think you have Chauvinistic thoughts and tendencies. it is kind of like when the Racist says “i am not racist. I have black friends.” Personally even mentioning harming women is offensive to me. If you are discussing this because you are dealing with chauvinistic friends and family and wondering what to do. My suggestion is to walk away. You could confront them but be prepared for antagonistic responses
-
Maybe it should be changed to the Jon or Eduardo Relatinoship thread
I want no part in this… u_u
Also: I’m always the smartest.
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
-
The properties of light… the hormones in the body regarding attraction… we are getting scientific here.
So who is smarter, you or your partner?
Clare says it’s me, but I say Doctor Peyton is way smarter than me. But we have different strengths emotionally and intellectually.
-
Make this image the first and top post of every relationship thread here forever. I demand it. You’ll thank me
when you can just refer to the top post instead of typing out a lengthy replylater.1 user thanked author for this post.
-
-
New material coming soon…
Not from me though.
-
Okay, I’ll give it a shot.
For those of us in long-term relationships, what is your recipe for keeping the spark and spice alive with your significant other?
For my part, after raising two kids, sending them off to college and then into the real world, Liz and I filled the giant hole in our lives by trying new things — visiting and hiking through the National Parks at least once a year, taking up running together as part of our exercise regimen, exploring unknown neighborhoods in the city and trying the restaurants and bars in those places. Basically finding things that we both like to do, and doing them. I think discovering these things together helped both of us to avoid a “midlife crisis” and rekindle our appreciation of each other.
Who’s next? How are you keeping the flame alive?
-
Christel and I can be very silly with each other. Just plain goofiness. It makes us laugh and smile. It gives us strength and strengthens our relationship.
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
On occasion, I’ll wash the hand.
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
I get the feeling that many of you look at the listing and see my name in this thread, tune in to my latest post/tirade on dating theory, philosophy, experience, and al-xism. Well, I am not comic relief. You guys are better off without me. So, I will go on hiatus for a while and read others experiences on relationships, scoring a hot date, etc… How about online dating? How does the culture where you are affect relationships and the dating scene if it does? What experiences do you have or that you know of that you can share? So many things to bring here, so much material. You guys don’t need me. See ya, and I will peek in here now and then.
-
How about online dating?
My niece met a man online; now they are married, own a home together, and are expecting their first child in March. My nephew is about to get engaged (he already bought the ring) to the woman he met online; and my son is now talking about proposing to his significant other, who he met via an online service. Three for three — I’d say online dating services are a good thing.
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
I’d have loved online dating as a young man. I remember having to phone a landline where likely the father would answer, they might not be in, it was all pretty stressful.
I found in the early 2000s even having a direct line via a mobile and texting was very helpful in dating.
-
-
-
Oh well… we’ll always have their porn tape…
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
So, Kim Kardashian’s preparing to divorce Kanye West.
I thought that was just idle speculation from Fox News to distract from the fact that the GOP is about to lose their senate majority.
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
Oh well… we’ll always have their porn tape…
That was Ray J.
-
So, Kim Kardashian’s preparing to divorce Kanye West.
I’m heartbroken over this; just HEARTBROKEN!!
Seriously, I’m surprised it lasted this long.
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
So, Kim Kardashian’s preparing to divorce Kanye West.
I’m heartbroken over this; just HEARTBROKEN!!
Seriously, I’m surprised it lasted this long.
Apparently Chris Rock was giving them relationship guidance.
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
Apparently Chris Rock was giving them relationship guidance.
Yeah, I e-mailed him the link to this thread and he got to work immediately.
-
-
I can see him committing suicide and the Ks will make it all about them.
Calling it now: Kanye West will be OJ Simpson 2.
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
I can see him committing suicide and the Ks will make it all about them.
Calling it now: Kanye West will be OJ Simpson 2.
That remake of the Naked Gun is really going to suck.
-
With Rudy Giuliani taking Leslie Nielsens place without knowing he’s in a film, I think shit could get pretty darn hilarious.
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
Apparently Chris Rock was giving them relationship guidance.
Wait — what? Are you saying that Chris Rock and his wife are divorced?
WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME??!!!
-
Are you saying that Chris Rock and his wife are divorced?
No, not at all! Don’t be ridiculous.
Chris rock and his ex-wife are divorced.
-
-
-
-
Oh, those are by Yehuda and MAya Devir, I’ve seen some of them before! They’re great!
This is me at the moment, by the way:
Literally how I spent a large portion of last night.#
They’re also on their blog, which is probably a nicer way to view them for the creators:
-
Literally how I spent a large portion of last night.
You realize you are blessed, right? In spite of sleepless nights, days of worry and anxiety, and absolutely no sex life for a while, you are a blessed man.
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
-
It was great. I did the “A Night To Remember” quest in Skyrim, where you marry a Hagraven. Then I had a wank.
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
I would imagine that if three people are involved, at least one person would be minimized at any given time.
I watch the show SWAT for all the shooting and fighting but last season one of the side plots was an attempt at a long term throuple. It was a network show so it dealt entirely with time management and, in the end, it ended with one member getting jealous and forcing another member out.
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
It is a somewhat common male fantasy to have two hot women at the same time. But life does not imitate a pornographic movie.
For example, I am not going to deliver pizza to two women living in an apartment together, and then….
Realistically, threesomes are prearranged, negotiated, feelings involved, jealousy, etc…
1 user thanked author for this post.
-
But life does not imitate a pornographic movie.
Speak for yourself, I called a plumber and hours after turning up he still hasn’t fixed my sink.
-
Speak for yourself, I called a plumber and hours after turning up he still hasn’t fixed my sink.
Has he, hrm, unclogged your piping though?
-
Al-x wrote:
But life does not imitate a pornographic movie.
Speak for yourself, I called a plumber and hours after turning up he still hasn’t fixed my sink.
Tell us again about what happened to you that one time, in band camp….
-
-
-
-
-
In that link on rom coms, some of the movie stories have one relocating and moving cross country to be with the other. (Hey, it’s a movie) Would you do that?
Fuck yes. My wife and I have lived on the edge of moving continents several times since we hooked up 17 years ago.
-
Can a man and a woman just be friends?
I’m bisexual, can I even have friends?
Stop bringing this one up. Seriously, just fucking stop it.
7 users thanked author for this post.
-
Stop bringing this one up. Seriously, just fucking stop it.
Yeah it was a fun idea for a 1980s rom-com but it is complete bollocks. If you reach middle age and haven’t had a genuine platonic friendship with the gender you may fancy what is wrong with you?
In 2004 I went on holiday with my friend Alison to the east coast of Australia, sharing rooms and even a bed when they didn’t have twins, zero sexual attraction but she was loads of fun as a friend and still is.
-
I went on holiday with my friend Alison to the east coast of Australia, sharing rooms and even a bed when they didn’t have twins, zero sexual attraction but she was loads of fun as a friend and still is.
Same. I bummed around Thailand for a couple of weeks with a friend’s girlfriend once, sharing beds, getting high and getting drunk, and nothing happened between us.
Although just to loop back round to an earlier topic, they did later try and get me to join them for a threesome. I didn’t do it – it would have been weird as fuck. Still friends with both of them though.
