The Al-X Relationship Tread

Topic

[lorcan_nagle]

Discuss relationships, marriage, dating, friend zones and the single life here.

• This topic was modified 4 years ago by lorcan_nagle.
• This topic was modified 4 years ago by lorcan_nagle.

Replies

Will_C wrote:

Yeah Satanists aren’t, like, Hammer Horror or Suspiria, they’re just libertarians who like to play dress up.

Best description I’ve seen yet!

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Andy, Will_C

How do you feel when you see a couple practically making out in front of you?

I am none too crazy about. They should know the world is not all about them…

In the States there is an acronym for it. PDA which stands for Public Display of Affection.

The etiquette varies in many places.

Here are some links:

https://www.thespruce.com/etiquette-of-public-affection-1216896

For Europe:
https://www.expatica.com/living/love/public-displays-of-affection-108636/

And finally:

https://psychology.wikia.org/wiki/Public_display_of_affection

Al-x wrote:

How do you feel when you see a couple practically making out in front of you?

If it’s before the keys have been thrown in the bowl then I think it’s terrible etiquette.

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Todd, Rocket, njerry, Bruce

If a young couple are genuinely passionate and don’t know the etiquette, that is one thing.
If they know better and do it in your face just to tweak you, then…

That psychology wiki link touched on how gay and lesbian couples can’t really do PDA in certain places.
Reminds me of that report in London where a lesbian couple gave a brief kiss on the bus and these thugs
on the bus demanded they make out porn style to entertain them. The couple refused and the thugs beat them
up on the bus.

Last link on PDA:

https://brightside.me/wonder-curiosities/why-people-need-to-stop-with-public-displays-of-affection-797118/

…and I am still in awe of Bruce. 😂

Al-x wrote:

Hello! You know he is a devout Satanist, right? What were you expecting?

Manson isn’t a Satanist. He was a friend of Anton LaVey, and at various times they both claimed he was an ordained minister in the Church of Satan – Manson credited himself as “the Reverend Marilyn Manson” on a couple of releases in the mid-90s, but that’s it. According to the Church he has never been an ordained member of the organisation.

But also, LaVay Satanism isn’t the worship of the biblical Devil, but rather the worship of the self, placing yourself at the centre of the universe as opposed to worshipping an external deity in the hope that they’ll give you a reward in the afterlife. The Church of Satan is literally an atheistic organisation, they don’t believe in the Devil or God. Some Satanists do practice a form of ritual magic, but use it as a psychological tool rather than believe it literally makes things happen.

Manson definitely had an interest in esoterica going back to his earliest days. Before he and LaVey met, the song Get your Gunn on his first album referenced LaVey’s philosophy, using his concept of good-guy badges (similar to what modern reactionaries call virtue signalling today) to criticise violent anti-abortion activists, most notably Michael Frederick Griffin, who had murdered David Gunn the previous year. He also referenced Aleister Crowley on the same album in the song Misery Machine, as well as quoting him extensively in his autobiography.

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Todd

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t think the video is a joke. I really don’t.

Rocket wrote:

incels would not know the difference

I never would have guessed you to be an Incel, Anders :lmao: :rofl:      j/k

 

[Rocket]

Al-x wrote:

How do you feel when you see a couple practically making out in front of you?

Etiquette schmettiquette. If you got a problem, mind your own business.

@Lorcan_nagle if they don’t believe in the devil why do they call their religion the Church of Satan?

 

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Rocket.

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Andy, Todd

Rocket wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I don’t think the video is a joke. I really don’t.

Rocket wrote:

incels would not know the difference

I never would have guessed you to be an Incel, Anders :lmao: :rofl:      j/k

 

Hah! Fair play to ya!

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Rocket

Rocket wrote:

@Lorcan_nagle if they don’t believe in the devil why do they call their religion the Church of Satan?

Partially to be provocative and partially because the Biblical Satan is often portrayed as having the traits they value like pride and individualism.

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garjones, Rocket, Todd

Here is a link to nice relationship stories:

https://www.boredpanda.com/heartwarming-couple-posts/?fbclid=IwAR2_pa__ovPXBakPWzQD3GmCKwAUgKD7c2B1Srz4TU0vZ1AlWa9-vJyPEU4&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=organic

lorcan_nagle wrote:

Partially to be provocative and partially because the Biblical Satan is often portrayed as having the traits they value like pride and individualism.

It would probably be called something like Prometheanism if modern society was still pagan (and actually there might be more pagans or polytheists alive today than in any period where paganism was dominant over monotheism). Still, Satanism is not really much more attractive than Christianity. At least LaVeyan Satanism certainly takes a lot of the ideas of people like Ayn Rand and the resurgent interest in Nietzsche  at the time and mixed it with some psuedo-Crowley type occult rituals. It was essentially ritualized selfishness or self-aggrandizement and I think it generally appealed to narcissistic personalities and had a lot of problems that cults generally generate.

Today, though, there are Satanic Churches that are filled with good people and pursue causes that aren’t really supported by traditional churches. I’d never be inclined to join any Church, but Satanists or Church of the SubGenius are more attractive than any actual religion. Though Satanists, like Scientologists, do take their “label” of religion seriously – at least for legal purposes.

Interesting story from a couple of years ago: Satanic Temple Sues Netflix Over ‘Chilling Adventures of Sabrina’ – Variety

At heart, more concerning than actual Satanists would be the continued “Satanic Panic” that’s plagued the country going all the way back to the actual witch trials of Puritan times.

Satanic Panic’s long history — and why it never really ended — explained – Vox

 

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lorcan_nagle, Todd

Anonymous wrote:

Church of the SubGenius

Are you Slack?

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lorcan_nagle

No No No

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are NOT giving me any ideas about going back to any of my ex girlfriends.

That ship has sailed.

How about you?

https://www.msn.com/en-us/movies/celebrity/bennifer-2-0-got-you-pining-for-ex-therapists-say-forget-it/ar-AALhoWn?ocid=msedgdhp&pc=U531

Not me, but, before my father passed away, my mother talked about getting back together with him, even though they’d been divorced for thirty-odd years.

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Andy, Dave

That should be titled “things done by cool people.”

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Dave, DavidM, garjones

What the fuck

Ehhh… No.

Man…

It is midnight and this TikTok stuff has gotten to me.

I posted 2 pics in the DC section of Batman going down on Catwoman!

Then I have been scrolling and these young women talk about how they are so comfortable in their skin about their style of dress and how the older conservative women pass judgement on them… The young ladies were right all along! How could I have missed that!

Instead of worrying about what they wear, more emphasis should be on male conduct and behavior by society.

I was wrong in everything I’ve been posting!
I am so sorry!
Please forgive me…

WTF was I thinking.

As for dating shape and projecting sexuality, it is all related to what is known as the male gaze and the pressure to measure up to it. I say turn the tables on the men and see how they measure up to the female gaze.

Am I woke?

Well it is 12:22AM…

There will be changes here

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Dave

Dozens of people here and at Millarworld have been telling you this for more than a decade, Al.

Al-x wrote:

There will be changes here

You’ve been saying that for more than a decade too.

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Rocket

People getting their education from tiktok makes a lot of sense considering all things going on.

 

 

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garjones, DavidM

Al-x wrote:

Am I woke? Well it is 12:22AM…

That’s very late to still be woke.

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Bruce, njerry, DavidM

Steve…fellow…

I had to hear it from the females themselves.

But be glad for me:

I’ve found religion!

Err…

I’ve found TikTok!😂

Seriously though, I take it all with a grain of salt.

It may be just a phase. Who knows.

Stay tuned… Same bat time, same bat channel.

I recently watched Withnail and I (great film btw), and me and my friend had some disagreements on the character of Monty.

He was definitely a borderline rapist and took a fair amount of liberties. My friend says he’s 100% creepy but I maintain the point that he was only maybe creepy.

Not only because Withnail had led him on to the path that made him think Marwood is a closeted homosexual, which to be fair doesn’t change a lot about things except giving Monty ideas. Maybe he was thinking he was liberating him or some shit.

That’s not the point. My point, and why I put this in the relationship thread is:

If someone I wanted to sleep with said to me, “I mean to have you… even if it’s burglary.” – That’s sexy. Oh yes. Let’s do it.

If someone I DON’T want to sleep with says the same thing to me – That’s one hundred percent creepy rape territory. Get out.

End of message.

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Christian, lorcan_nagle

I think that as monstrous as Monty is at times, he’s also a somewhat tragic character due to the context for being a (barely closeted) gay man at that time. While the “burglary” scene is quite chilling it’s also indicative of how his sexuality and morality has been deformed by the repression of the era.

It’s one of Richard Griffiths’ best roles I think.

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Christian, lorcan_nagle

Dave wrote:

It’s one of Richard Griffiths’ best roles I think.

Definitely. For a movie named after the two titular characters it was kind of weird to find both Monty and Danny more interesting.

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lorcan_nagle, Dave

[Al-x]

Anonymous wrote:

People getting their education from tiktok makes a lot of sense considering all things going on.

First of all: I don’t get my “education” from that site and surprisingly, there is more to it than one might think.

Ok…

TikTok came to my attention when Trump tried to ban it in the US. I said that if he hates it, I must go to it and find out…

At first the algorithm gave me the usual stuff: the dancing girls in bikinis, funny snippets, etc. Then it started evolving as the content became more serious. You can tell these people took a lot of classes in Critical Thinking, Sociology, History, and other Social Sciences.

A lot of topics are there, especially about pop culture . If you search for the Kardashians for example, there will be snippets of commentary on them, why they became a TV phenomenon (worth about $3B collectively), their culture stealing, intentional click baiting, etc.

There is even content on comics in general and the shows Falcon and WS, WandaVision, etc.

Now I must say something relationship related: You know how someone you are seeing introduces you to a new sex technique or something? (No? :-)) Or a friend brings some new perspective that you never realized before and it opened your eyes?

Well, I used to read the Village Voice and now that it is gone, I got this.

I take it all with a grain of salt though… I have to.

But enough about TikTok…

Carry on

PS – You know, I keep on making the same mistake here. Since only the same handful of members post here, I think they are the only ones. Then someone like @lorcan_nagle comes out of the woodworks explaining Satanism and I am reminded that there are lurkers here as well who will chime in every now and then. So I have to post as if EVERYONE is here.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Al-x.

Anonymous wrote:

Dave wrote:

It’s one of Richard Griffiths’ best roles I think.

Definitely. For a movie named after the two titular characters it was kind of weird to find both Monty and Danny more interesting.

Danny is a great performance too. His speech at the end is a high point.

It’s a film full of great smaller roles really – Michael Elphick as the poacher sticks in my memory too.

You’ve made me want to watch it all over again now. It might be a perfect movie.

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lorcan_nagle

Todd wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Church of the SubGenius

Are you Slack?

I have the official Church of the Subgenius card game somewhere

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Todd

Dave wrote:

You’ve made me want to watch it all over again now. It might be a perfect movie.

Treat yourself.

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Dave

Interesting:

Al-x wrote:

You can tell these people took a lot of classes in Critical Thinking, Sociology, History, and other Social Sciences.

From a one minute video?

 

In the random thread you said tiktok taught you everything you believed was wrong and you’re woke now. So it is giving you some kind of education.

 

Youtube has a bad name for propaganda, but I think tiktok may be even worse. Please take what tiktok “educators” say with a big lump of salt. And like I said, tiktok content is basically moderated by the Chinese communist party.

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DavidM

[Al-x]

Anonymous wrote:

From a one minute video?

  No. Rather from scrolling through a number of them on the feed

In the random thread you said tiktok taught you everything you believed was wrong and you’re woke now. So it is giving you some kind of education.

  Did I really say everything I believed in or everything I posted here? For example, I posted in MW once about spanking a child and there was a backlash. Jim Ohara told me to drop it. I changed over the years (everyone does) since that posting. I also dropped a lot of other notions I had. That is what I meant.

Youtube has a bad name for propaganda, but I think tiktok may be even worse. Please take what tiktok “educators” say with a big lump of salt. And like I said, tiktok content is basically moderated by the Chinese communist party.

Of course I take it with salt and I also know where the site originates.

Some of the vids I have seen have been insightful. You said so yourself about a few vids you have seen.

Cheers

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Al-x.

Al-x wrote:

You said so yourself about a few vids you have seen.

I was being sarcastic. I said look for videos on the tiananmen square massacre. There is nothing about the tiananmen square massacre on tiktok, because China censors it.

Anonymous wrote:

Al-x wrote:

You said so yourself about a few vids you have seen.

I was being sarcastic. I said look for videos on the tiananmen square massacre. There is nothing about the tiananmen square massacre on tiktok, because China censors it.

Dude, you were literally parroting right-wing propaganda about Critical Race Theory only a couple of days ago.

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Al-x

Al-x wrote:

I had to hear it from the females themselves.

You know, there were also females here telling you all that, a decade ago.

But hey, if you’ve discovered a way to shift the perspective for you, that’s cool. If sharing your PoV on tiktok actually gets some people to consider the way they see things, that’s cool.

Well, as long as it’s young women talking about feminist issues and not conspiracy theorists trying to redpill you. That’d be bad. Um. Arjan may have a point there, too.

[Al-x]

Anonymous wrote:

I was being sarcastic.

So … you are passing judgement over a site you have never been to and “warning” me about things I obviously already know.

I already spoke about my discoveries there. It is not strictly T&A dancing or Chinese propaganda. The people have filled in their video snippets with whatever, like YouTube. Currently, there is an interesting development there regarding dance choreography and getting due credit and monetary compensation. I have my popcorn and watching how it all plays out.

Now… to come up with something relationship related here…

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Al-x.

Christian wrote:

You know, there were also females here telling you all that, a decade ago.

Stephanie Familiar and Sabrina.

The thread always went like this: I would post an opinion, some link, or whatever and everyone would debate it. Usually, the people still here, former members like Parker McCombe, T Masters, all the mods, O’Hara, Henry Blanco, RussellH, and so many others would disagree with me.

Come to think of it, that is a lot of people. Was I that much of an @$$hole?
That was a rhetorical question btw…😀

Anyway, it is late and I must get some shut eye.

Al-x wrote:

Was I that much of an @$$hole?

Nah, you were always very polite and open about the way you see things, we’ve just been trying to point out that different perspective to you. But hey, if it takes tiktok to get you there, that’s also fine!

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garjones

Relationship topic:

What age do you allow your kid’s significant other to spend the night?

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Al-x

When my daughter was we let her boyfriend sleep over, but he slept on the floor with the door open. By the time any SO slept over in the same bed was post-college (for my son as well as my daughter).

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Andy

Andy wrote:

Relationship topic:

What age do you allow your kid’s significant other to spend the night?

In our family it’s never been a big deal. As long as the relationship isn’t a problem for the family in general and the people involved are of an age to be having an adult (ie. sexual) relationship, then sleeping arrangements for a night or two are neither here nor there really.

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Andy

Before my oldest brother and my sister-in-law got married, my mother would ask that, when they visited, they sleep in separate beds.

njerry wrote:

When my daughter was we let her boyfriend sleep over, but he slept on the floor with the door open.

Like that would’ve stopped anything! Did you check on them every fifteen minutes until morning?! Were you ever a teenager?!!!

 

 

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JRCarter, njerry, Todd

[Al-x]

I like this picture:

Women taking action…
Years ago, I was hanging out at a friend’s house watching MTV videos. When this “booty” video came on, she grabbed the remote from my hand and changed the channel. 😂

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Al-x.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Al-x.

Forty things here to scroll real quick if you want to. #31 I’ve witnessed before. A few others are just creepy:

https://www.boredpanda.com/women-share-creepy-things-men-do/?fbclid=IwAR1-0HQ0LSBu6Ts5grz1PkJptA7mhIqNoRQ9AheIMwWHOwZTIrBgAHgllTE&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=organic

Looking back…

I sincerely hope my “dating shape” material I used before wasn’t seen as fat shaming.

1 user thanked author for this post.

Nah, I think that’s fine. It’s not offensive to set yourself health targets, or even aesthetic ones. As long as you’re talking about your own body and not putting down others who make different choices.

1 user thanked author for this post.

Definitely with Christian on this one, Al. You’re fine, body shame yourself to your hearts content! ;)

[Al-x]

Alright then, dating shape is Ok… Then by all means: Project your sexuality!

————————–

Getting back to one of those links:

One woman said that it is really bad form when talking to a woman to get too close to her personal space, corner her, touch her, or block her to prevent her from leaving.

Other women said they had the Uber drivers hit on them, and since they are driving you, they know where you live if they decide to stalk you.

Another said that guys try to find your whole name to look you up on social media and so on.

One woman said that when she says something like “I am married/have a boyfriend” some back off. Apparently they respect you being another man’s “property” and that sort of thing. More respect for the other man than the woman herself.

—————–

Well, with more socializing venues opening up now, it may be time to get back in the game. Not just getting in shape to project sexuality, but in conversation:

Small talk is good, but I feel it is better to find some common ground and take things from there. I wouldn’t brag too much to try to impress the person, neither would I ask to many questions as that would be both creepy and interrogating. (I know that it is me saying this about asking questions… The irony! 😂) If you are too agreeable, it looks a little desperate, like you just want to go along with things just to be “accepted” or to get with them.

Any thoughts? Opinions? Further suggestions?

——————————–

Also, I don’t know if you found this to be true, but some really cute/attractive people get attention by default and as a result, don’t really bring much to a conversation. They never really had to establish themselves through conversation first. In fact, some expect you to go out of your way to impress or entertain them like everyone else did. I have seen a few guys make fools of themselves chasing after crushes who just don’t want them.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Al-x.

Note: I posted this in the Quotes and Lyrics” thread, but decided it is more appropriate here:

“In his extreme youth Stoner had thought of love as an absolute state of being to which, if one were lucky, one might find access; in his maturity he had decided it was the heaven of a false religion, toward which one ought to gaze with an amused disbelief, a gently familiar contempt, and an embarrassed nostalgia. Now in his middle age he began to know that it was neither a state of grace nor an illusion; he saw it as a human act of becoming, a condition that was invented and modified moment by moment and day by day, by the will and the intelligence and the heart.”

— STONER, by John Williams

Quick question:

Ever had a crush in the past that you found yourself going out of your way to chase after and looking back, you facepalm/shake your head saying “WTF was I thinking?”

In making peace with my past: I have and after a while no longer think about it.

[Al-x]

So…

Any news on Chris Rock? 😂

Scarlett Johannson is pregnant.

This guy in entertainment Nick Cannon, who was married to Mariah Carey before, has 4 children by 3 different women this year. He now has 7 kids altogether. And guys put the burden on women for birth control protection…

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Al-x.

How long did it take for you to get over hurt feelings?

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njerry

I still haven’t gotten over it

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Al-x

I know…

It stays with you

Ach, I don’t know. It depends, doesn’t it? Feelings get hurt all the time, and we move past most of it with barely a blink.
I think I got over all the big stuff, too, and most of it fairly quickly. But then again, maybe I didn’t and the hurt is still there, somewhere. Who the fuck knows? And what does getting over it actually mean? In the end, I’d say it’s just about accepting that this happened to you, and that it’s part of your life now. Once you’ve managed to just accept that truth, you’ll be fine.

The other thing you have to realise (in my opinion) is that… your feelings are yours. The other person doesn’t necessarily have any responsibility for how you feel; they may not even realise it, and they are not always obliged to. Sometimes, the thing you have to deal with are how you feel about things and not the situation that created those feelings. If that makes any sense.

Al-x wrote:

Ever had a crush in the past that you found yourself going out of your way to chase after and looking back, you facepalm/shake your head saying “WTF was I thinking?”

You mean because of the person? Nah, not at all. On the other hand, there are a lot of instances where I think that when it comes to my own foolish behaviour, but that’s all part of the whole thing, isn’t it.

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Al-x

[Al-x]

I mean like when you spend time with someone and they tell you they “moved on” suddenly or “ghosted” you. You think about it and in putting 2 and 2 together, you realize that they were just using you until someone “better” came along, or they used you because you never said no to them when asking for a favor, and so on. You figure out that you were “disposable” to them after you have “outlived your usefulness”.

Also when the person is sick and asks you to run errands like shopping, buying medicine at the pharmacy, etc. But when that person is well, you never hear from them or you find out they went with someone else or a group to this great place and never told you or invited you. They only wanted your company to help them then discarded you.

That hurts…

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Al-x.

1 user thanked author for this post.

True. That’s why you have to be insidious. You have to gradually finagle your way into their life to the point that they depend on you even if they don’t particularly like you. It takes a lot of work, but you need to find their weak points and rub away at them until they really can’t manage even the simplest things on their own. More importantly, you have to make it seem like their idea and eventually they won’t be able to do without you. Also, they’ll be such a basket case, no one else would want to have anything to do with them

 

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DavidM, Christian

Ok…

When we were on MW, MM posted a “secret crush” thread and everyone posted all these booty picks and thirst traps. The mods closed it soon after. The good old days. Also, we had a thread on Game of Thrones at the time and I said I had dibs on Missandei. 😊

All my dibs so far have been Missandei, the freckled leader in the Falcon show, and the TVA director in the Loki show. I have a type and lately it has been young light skinned black women. I still like darker women as well.

So, do you have a type?

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DavidM

Al-x wrote:

I mean like when you spend time with someone and they tell you they “moved on” suddenly or “ghosted” you. You think about it and in putting 2 and 2 together, you realize that they were just using you until someone “better” came along, or they used you because you never said no to them when asking for a favor, and so on. You figure out that you were “disposable” to them after you have “outlived your usefulness”.

That hurts…

When it comes to that kind of thing, it’s just important to realise that people aren’t obligated to react to you in a certain way. If somebody wants to spend time with you and you want to spend time with them, that’s great, but whether something else comes out of that or not is not something you can know beforehand. Maybe they did “use” you, or maybe they just saw you as a friend who also liked to help them out. I think realising that is also a big step in letting go of your own bad feelings, because they are based on the idea that somebody has treated you unfairly, or that they haven’t given you what you deserve. But that’s not it. You were hoping (and working for) something more than that person was ready to have with you, and that’s fine. Terribly sad, but fine.

…or you could of course go the way of Jonny’s suggestion, which I am sure could never lead to terrible results for everybody involved. (Jonny, there’s a fantastic German mini-play, just one page, called “Das Bein” that expresses the process you’ve described perfectly. The male character is jealous because the female one has so beautiful legs and everybody is looking at them, so he asks her if he can saw it off and she reluctantly agrees, and then he saws it off and is very happy with his work and wants to have a beer to celebrate, but she can’t get it for him (because she now has only one leg), which makes him very angry, and also just looking at how unattractive she now is with only one leg also infuriates her, so he decides to leave her after smacking her around a little. It’s a perfect little play, it’s on I always use in theatre classes.)

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Al-x

Christian wrote:

there’s a fantastic German mini-play, just one page, called “Das Bein” that expresses the process you’ve described perfectly. The male character is jealous because the female one has so beautiful legs and everybody is looking at them, so he asks her if he can saw it off and she reluctantly agrees, and then he saws it off and is very happy with his work and wants to have a beer to celebrate, but she can’t get it for him (because she now has only one leg), which makes him very angry, and also just looking at how unattractive she now is with only one leg also infuriates her, so he decides to leave her after smacking her around a little. It’s a perfect little play, it’s on I always use in theatre classes

English title: Hopping Mad

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Christian

Al-x wrote:

So, do you have a type?

They have to be breathing.

Although, vampires are ok too. And ghosts. No zombies though, I draw the line at parts falling off.

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Rocket, Todd

Christian wrote:

When it comes to that kind of thing, it’s just important to realise that people aren’t obligated to react to you in a certain way. If somebody wants to spend time with you and you want to spend time with them, that’s great, but whether something else comes out of that or not is not something you can know beforehand. Maybe they did “use” you, or maybe they just saw you as a friend who also liked to help them out. I think realising that is also a big step in letting go of your own bad feelings, because they are based on the idea that somebody has treated you unfairly, or that they haven’t given you what you deserve. But that’s not it. You were hoping (and working for) something more than that person was ready to have with you, and that’s fine. Terribly sad, but fine.

It is some sort of tragic truth that if two people are in a happy marriage or relationship, often with kids, that nearly every other emotional relationship or friendship is expendable or superfluous. If you are not happily in love with a person who is also happily in love with you, then you have to accept that that relationship may end. And, truthfully, you’ll find that you can do without it. Often, you’re probably better off.

Essentially, I don’t see much adult behavior promoted in the forming and dissolution of relationships and in particular those involving any emotional satisfaction as their aim. If you want a relationship to last, then it has to be clear what you’re offering, and the person receiving the offer should be clear that they want it or, especially, that they don’t.

There is enough ambiguity in emotions and love as it is, but it seems like modern dating culture behaves as if ambiguity is a requirement. No! Make it as clear as possible and that requires a lot of adult decision-making and commitment. Often it means you have to accept or even cause the end of a relationship if there is no equity or agreement on what each person wants or is putting into it.

So, if what you want is a loving relationship with someone, then if your counterpart doesn’t want that or you find you don’t want it with them, whether you end it or they do, you’re both better off.

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Christian

Christian wrote:

When it comes to that kind of thing, it’s just important to realise that people aren’t obligated to react to you in a certain way. If somebody wants to spend time with you and you want to spend time with them, that’s great, but whether something else comes out of that or not is not something you can know beforehand. Maybe they did “use” you, or maybe they just saw you as a friend who also liked to help them out. I think realising that is also a big step in letting go of your own bad feelings, because they are based on the idea that somebody has treated you unfairly, or that they haven’t given you what you deserve. But that’s not it. You were hoping (and working for) something more than that person was ready to have with you, and that’s fine. Terribly sad, but fine.

This is true as are the realizations you posted. What this experience does for me is next time, to be smarter and more discerning at the very beginning. I have to say that you have to pick up on certain things like their body language, what they say, etc. before you invest yourself. That should at least prevent you from being used, especially if you figure out what they take you for. And don’t be taken in by the looks 😂

Anonymous wrote:

True. That’s why you have to be insidious

Johnny, you are one sick fuck hahahahahaha smh

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Ok…

Janet Jackson wrote the song “Let’s wait a while”
and there was a hip hop song by Lisa Lisa long ago about the waiting game and her doubts and misgivings of doing it too soon.

Personally, I don’t pressure the partner for intimacy, but after a reasonable amount of time, you start to wonder and think about possibly moving on. I know it varies, but what do you have to say?

Al-x wrote:

I know it varies, but what do you have to say?

“How about it, love? Let’s go halves on a bastard.”

[Al-x]

Years ago, I had a job that had me doing a lot of walking and lifting boxes. I ate light that time and ended up losing 40lbs in 2-3 months. I got down to my ideal weight and all of a sudden I got all this attention. I got asked how I lost so much, all these compliments, all these questions if I had a gf etc., I was checked out up and down almost all the time. It was nice for a time.
This experience shows to an extent how people are when you do something noticeable. They will treat you differently. It is one of the main reasons why I talk about “dating shape” and “projecting sexuality”. A young woman with a nice figure will turn heads, be asked out to social venues a lot, all because of this. As for guys, it won’t be that open, but a guy will get hints of more women looking and smiling at him. I know it is all superficial, but it is what it is.

————————

Also, with regards to turning heads, I posted before about young women sometimes getting unwanted attention in public. Someone here objected to me implying I was blaming the woman. (What was he doing here anyway? Troll…) Well, I wasn’t. I agreed that someone can wear what they want, but… I added that realistically, they also have to be aware of who or what is around them to be discerning and safe. I live in NYC and that is where my perspective is from.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Al-x.

Al-x wrote:

Years ago, I had a job that had me doing a lot of walking and lifting boxes. I ate light that time and ended up losing 40lbs in 2-3 months. I got down to my ideal weight and all of a sudden I got all this attention. I got asked how I lost so much, all these compliments, all these questions if I had a gf etc., I was checked out up and down almost all the time. It was nice for a time. This experience shows to an extent how people are when you do something noticeable. They will treat you differently. It is one of the main reasons why I talk about “dating shape” and “projecting sexuality”. A young woman with a nice figure will turn heads, be asked out to social venues a lot, all because of this. As for guys, it won’t be that open, but a guy will get hints of more women looking and smiling at him. I know it is all superficial, but it is what it is.

Did you feel more confident and at ease with yourself when you lost that weight? I wonder if people might have picked up on that as well.

Physical attraction is definitely a factor, no question, but don’t discount the attractive effect of someone having an easy nature and being confident and comfortable in their skin. In some ways that can be just as attractive.

[Al-x]

Dave wrote:

Did you feel more confident and at ease with yourself when you lost that weight?

As a matter of fact…

I did.

@davewallace…

In a manner of speaking, it is all superficial. I said this before that attractive women never really had to establish themselves first by their personality. They get all this attention, invitations to fancy social venues, etc. because of their looks. It is by default. As a result, some of them really aren’t that deep when it comes to conversation, thought, etc. Basically, they are just someone everybody wants to … you know.

It is what it is.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Al-x.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Al-x.

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Dave

Stereotypes

Esai Morales is a Latin actor who was in many movies and shows over the years. He said one time that usually the Hollywood casting types bring either him or some other Latin actor to a show to play a love interest ie. “The Hot Latin Lover”. He got so tired of it that he said “I don’t want to be bought in to spice up a show. I am not a condiment.”

I posted this because there are stereotypes that people have of Hispanic men, black men, and so on. This one white woman said that the Latin man (ie. a young Enrique Iglesias) is the boytoy type to cheat on your fiancé, have a final weekend fling with before you settle down and married. She thought she was complimenting them, but what she was really saying was that men of color are not really to be taken seriously as relationship/marriage material, they are just for affairs. Similarly, some guys just view Hispanic and other women of color as just a good f*ck/one night stand, Asian women as submissive and other stereotypes. Reminds me of that movie with that guy from “Friends” who met the Selma Hayek character in a club, had a one nighter and she got pregnant. His friends referred to her as “the body”. The rest of the movie was the culture clash of meeting each others families, but I digress.

I don’t like it, but it is the way society has been for decades.

Any thoughts or opinions with regards to stereotypes and relationships?

Al-x wrote:

Reminds me of that movie with that guy from “Friends” who met the Selma Hayek character in a club, had a one nighter and she got pregnant. His friends referred to her as “the body”. The rest of the movie was the culture clash of meeting each others families, but I digress.

Huh. Seeing the movie’s title, I know I have seen it, but I remember nothing about it.

Yeah, seems like that’s a good thing. Not the movie, my forgetting it.

On the issue… I think this is very different for our generation – the Salme Hayek/Matthew Perry generation – than it is for the kids today. Cultures have been blending a lot more and it feels like the next generation is much more at ease with all of this.

[Al-x]

With regards to women being objectified:

Kate Upton (“She’s famous because she has big t*ts” – Stephanie Familiar) said once that she felt bad when she noticed guys high fiving each other over her behind her back as if she was a thing. Denise Richards (“Wild Things”) had to tell guys she was going out with: “What do you take me for”, “That was only a movie role I was playing”. Also, there are sitcoms in which the guest actress plays a hot neighbor who just moves in, the hot girl in workout clothes in the gym, or is seen sunbathing in a bikini in the backyard or city rooftop. These are all for the Male Gaze. Years ago, there was actually a show called Are you Hot? where contestants would stand there and a panel of “judges” (taken after American Idol) had these laser pointers pointing at any figure flaws and critiquing, even like Simon On American Idol…

And… you have these Instagram pictures that take after porn a little, with two hot girls implying a lesbian male fantasy, where one girl is as aggressive as a man. Also in mainstream movies where Jessica Lange in a steamy scene with Jack Nicholson clears this kitchen table. It drove male viewers wild.

It goes on and on..

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Al-x.

Al-x wrote:

Years ago, there was actually a show called Are you Hot? where contestants would stand there and a panel of “judges” (taken after American Idol) had these laser pointers pointing at any figure flaws and critiquing, even like Simon On American Idol…

Just like American Idol, nobody forces people to go on these shows. If people are so desperate for their 15 minutes that they will put themselves through that, that’s their choice.

Should we ban shows that objectify consenting women’s bodies? Isn’t that taking away the woman’s choice to have her body objectified if she wants to?

I mean, by all means hold up how awful these shows are, and maybe they will die a natural death as young girls realise it and stop going on them. Maybe. Good luck with that. You watch TikTok Al, you know that women showing off their bodies voluntarily is getting more not less prevalent.

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Al-x wrote:

Years ago, there was actually a show called Are you Hot? where contestants would stand there and a panel of “judges” (taken after American Idol) had these laser pointers pointing at any figure flaws and critiquing, even like Simon On American Idol…

Let me introduce you to Naked Attraction:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naked_Attraction

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True, you can’t control people’s sexuality or sexual preferences and I don’t think anyone should try as long as it is consensual. People have the right to express their sexuality – traditional or not. Though, honestly, calling any sexual preference traditional usually doesn’t represent the varieties of actual sexual practices by anyone. We’re all preverts!

If the show makes you uncomfortable, don’t watch it, but it doesn’t seem appropriate to consider the shows or the behavior of the people on them or the people watching them to be immoral any more than judging any other sexual practices that don’t directly concern you to be immoral.

Though, some of this may just be resentment against sexy people flaunting their sexiness.

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Al-x, Rocket

Al-x wrote:

Also in mainstream movies where Jessica Lange in a steamy scene with Jack Nicholson clears this kitchen table. It drove male viewers wild.

Unfortunately, I first saw that scene (in the remake of THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE) on HBO, in my living room, with my very religious father in the room. When Nicholson’s hand went to Lange’s crotch, I suddenly remembered that I had to do something in another room….

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Rocket, Al-x

DavidM wrote:

You watch TikTok Al, you know that women showing off their bodies voluntarily is getting more not less prevalent.

That is true. They do it to promote themselves on social media. The girls on TikTok though, assume that you are also in on it. It is supposed to be fantasy and you are expected to separate fantasy from reality. The girls tease you with this question like: If you had me for 24 hours and I couldn’t say no, what would you do? Thing is, some guys will take it the wrong way, like those guys who were going out with Denise Richards.

It’s almost as if, in a patriarchal society in which everything is devoted to the male gaze and everybody is raised and trained accordingly, many women will also willingly take part in a system that benefits them individually even though it puts them at a disadvantage collectively. Weird how that works.

It’s true that showing off, and obsessing over, your body has become more equal for both genders, I would say. Maybe there’ll be a beautiful utopian future in which all that everybody, men and women and all variations of gender fluid people, care about nothing but how beautiful they and the people they follow on instagram look, and the world will finally be perfect.

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Todd, DavidM

This is true, and I want to make this ABSOLUTELY CLEAR because a member here (whose name I won’t mention) was more interested in thinking he had one over on me and picking a fight with me rather than getting the point:

A woman has her right to flaunt her sexuality, but realistically also has to be cautious of guys who will take things the wrong way.

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Al-x wrote:

A woman has her right to flaunt her sexuality, but realistically also has to be cautious of guys who will take things the wrong way.

That’s a tough one. I can see the reasoning, but I certainly see the counter argument as well.

Primarily, if I’m not going to tell a gay couple that they have to be cautious expressing their sexual preferences because “some people” might not like it or an interracial couple they have to be cautious because “some people” might not like it, then I can’t really expect women to be cautious because of “some guys” who will not take it in the way it’s intended.

On top of that, they’ve been women their whole lives. They probably know more about where and when to be cautious and don’t need my advice. Just as gay people or other minorities have a lifetime of experience as well. If I’m the one telling a woman that the way she’s dressed is “dangerous” for her, then maybe I’m the one she needs to be cautious about.

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DavidM

[Al-x]

Well, Talent for War…

To each their own. I don’t go out of my way to tell gays about PDA, neither do I tell women what to wear in public.

Truth is, it is not a perfect world. We all have to be careful one way or another in our daily lives.
Personally, when paying at a store, I don’t open my wallet and show all my cash and cards for everyone to know. That is just me.

As for a young woman at a club in a tight minidress twerking to dance music, she can do it as much as she wants. Just like what we discussed a few pages ago about young women walking in the Summer in booty/Daisy Duke shorts. Cest la vie. However… realistically, they still have to be cautious.

I don’t want to go on and on about this as this is getting further and further away from relationships.

I take it that you do see my point as I definitely see yours.

Cest la vie…

PS – Christian is right: It is a patriarchal society devoted to the male gaze… What I was saying in the past was as women project sexuality for the male gaze in turning heads etc. I feel that a man can get in reasonable shape and do the same in his own way. I called it “dating shape”.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Al-x.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Al-x.

I used to quote Al Pacino in Scarface.

Tony Montana:

In this country
You gotta make the money first
When you get the money you get the power
And when you get the power
Then you get the woman

It is quoted a lot because it epitomizes American capitalism in relation to qausi relationships. There seems to be a synergy between money and power with youth and beauty. You see it in media with all these Summertime pictures of rich men/celebrities and their girlfriends/wives, often out and about in nightclubs and fancy beaches.

Al-x wrote:

I used to quote Al Pacino in Scarface.

Tony Montana:

In this country
You gotta make the money first
When you get the money you get the power
And when you get the power
Then you get the woman

It is quoted a lot because it epitomizes American capitalism in relation to qausi relationships. There seems to be a synergy between money and power with youth and beauty. You see it in media with all these Summertime pictures of rich men/celebrities and their girlfriends/wives, often out and about in nightclubs and fancy beaches.

It makes me think of this quote from the movie “Boiler Room” (2000):

Seth Davis: [Narrating] I read this article a while back, that said that Microsoft employs more millionaire secretary’s that any other company in the world. They took stock options over Christmas bonuses. It was a good move. I remember there was this picture, of one of the groundskeepers next to his Ferrari. Blew my mind. you see shit like that, and it just plants seeds, makes you think its possible, even easy. And then you turn on the TV, and there’s just more of it. The $87 Million lottery winner, that kid actor that just made 20 million o his last movie, that internet stock that shot through the roof, you could have made millions if you had just gotten in early, and that’s exactly what I wanted to do: get in. I didn’t want to be an innovator any more, i just wanted to make the quick and easy buck, i just wanted in. The Notorious BIG said it best: “Either you’re slingin’ crack-rock, or you’ve got a wicked jump-shot.” Nobody wants to work for it anymore. There’s no honor in taking that after school job at Mickey Dee’s, honor’s in the dollar, kid. So I went the white boy way of slinging crack-rock: I became a stock broker.

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Al-x

[Al-x]

Dave wrote:

Did you feel more confident and at ease with yourself when you lost that weight? I wonder if people might have picked up on that as well.

Physical attraction is definitely a factor, no question, but don’t discount the attractive effect of someone having an easy nature and being confident and comfortable in their skin. In some ways that can be just as attractive.

Looking back, I can honestly say now that I miss those days… I need to develop more discipline, not just will power.

———————

We talk about relationships, projecting sexuality, and I add realism by adding caution. There are abusive relationships that we hardly get into. Generally, if you pick up early that your partner is just using you (like my experience), or if they start having an attitude, make a scene and yell at you, or do manipulative things like gaslighting, guilt trip, always your fault, etc… You should obviously leave the person.

While on the subject of clubs, more ladies know to only take a drink directly from the hand of the waiter/bartender straight to them. Don’t lose sight of the drink and take it with you until you are done.

Sometimes with mother & daughter single parent households (the biological father is out of the picture)….The mother goes out with a new man or marries him. Thing is, sometimes when the daughter starts to grow up and gets to be 15-16 years of age, the guy starts to get these ideas, tries something when the mother is away. It happens….

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Al-x.

Just a little experimenting…. with Windows… (Don’t get a dirty mind 😂)

Here is a pic I captured off a page and circled something:

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DavidM, njerry, Todd

Andy wrote:

Relationship topic:

What age do you allow your kid’s significant other to spend the night?

njerry wrote:

When my daughter was we let her boyfriend sleep over, but he slept on the floor with the door open. By the time any SO slept over in the same bed was post-college (for my son as well as my daughter).

Dave wrote:

In our family it’s never been a big deal. As long as the relationship isn’t a problem for the family in general and the people involved are of an age to be having an adult (ie. sexual) relationship, then sleeping arrangements for a night or two are neither here nor there really.

JRCarter wrote:

Before my oldest brother and my sister-in-law got married, my mother would ask that, when they visited, they sleep in separate beds.

This reminds me of the situation where your girlfriend takes you to meet her parents (maybe for Thanksgiving or whatever) and the father shakes your hand but he is really thinking “So… your the one banging my daughter.”

I guess it all depends. Some fathers see their daughter as Daddy’s little girl and can’t accept them grown up, sexually active, etc.

Thing is, it is a little awkward to have the guy spend the night and ALLOW them to bang in your house with you there!

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Andy

Al-x wrote:

This reminds me of the situation where your girlfriend takes you to meet her parents (maybe for Thanksgiving or whatever) and the father shakes your hand but he is really thinking “So… your the one banging my daughter.”

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Andy, Todd

Al-x wrote:

Thing is, it is a little awkward to have the guy spend the night and ALLOW them to bang in your house with you there!

In my experience, if you’re spending one night or a weekend at the home of your partners parents or other family members, you can and should control your sexual urges. To do otherwise is a juvenile and insensitive act for both of you. Unless, of course, you are characters in a lame RomCom film that went straight-to-video.

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Al-x, Todd

I agree. A guy staying over with his gf at her parent’s house should restrain himself because it doesn’t look right and out of respect for her parents.

—————–

As for PDA’s, I don’t really mind it so long as they aren’t rubbing it in.

I can’t stand these couples who know that you are single, and they go on and on about their plans to vacation together, their this and that, what they do together… It seems like they make it a point that they are together, the perfect couple, and you are single and alone.

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Todd

[Al-x]

Regarding Nick Cannon:

https://www.msn.com/en-us/music/celebrity/nick-cannon-talks-defying-monogamy-having-kids-with-different-women-i-m-just-following-suit/ar-AAN79Im?ocid=msedgdhp&pc=U531

Interesting that last year, he got into some controversy saying some anti Semitic remarks, also insisting on these black supremacy teachings of blacks being the chosen people, ancient civilizations, dark skinned were the real original Hebrews, etc.

Regarding the latter, a commentator showed all the women he dated and those he had children with. Some you may know as he dated Kim K and was married to Mariah Carey for a time. All the other women who had his children were also either mixed or light skinned. So the hypocrisy the commentator made was “For all his talk about dark skinned people being chosen and so on, apparently it doesn’t apply to the bedroom.”
——————————

Hmmmm… That reminds me:

MW members would sometimes rail against me… One time I posted a thread saying I was an experimentalist and Stephanie Familiar posted IMMEDIATELY after: Not in the bedroom.

I was going to post a very snappy comeback, but I decided not to.

How merciful I am. 😂

Anyway she is doing well last time I checked with a newborn.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by Al-x.

Explain this:

 

No.

Anonymous wrote:

Explain this:

Maybe you need to be drunk in order to read it. Because she was obviously drunk when she wrote it.

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garjones

Petersburg bartender. Max Gutierrez was trying to protect two customers from a man’s unwanted advances. Hundreds of thousands have thanked him for his efforts. … PETERSBURG — “Put your pony tail on your other shoulder and I’ll have him removed,” bartender Max Gutierrez wrote in a note that would make him famous.Jun 23, 2021

—————

‘Too many red flags’: Man warns woman about her date in a secret note, tells her to ‘run’
She said the man sitting behind her passed her the note while her date was in the bathroom.

This one is a little mixed: The advice may be good, but still… the guy was eavesdropping on their date and gave his unsolicited advice.

On a side note: Any “red flags” you picked up on a date that made you bail?

[Al-x]

Feeling bad about the implosion. Going to take a time out relationship style…

• This reply was modified 3 years, 3 months ago by Al-x.