The Relationship Thread

Topic

Have at it…

Again

Replies

Shoot your shot

“Shoot your shot” is the latest expression these days about asking someone out and saying you like them.

Some are afraid of rejection, others feel they have nothing to lose. I personally feel a little vulnerable when I do it. (Who doesn’t?) I prefer to attract than chase to be honest. Easier said than done.

I guess it also comes down to when and where. A young woman waiting in line at the post office or a bank doesn’t necessarily want a total male stranger to strike up a conversation with her. (It’s like “Don’t hit on me!”)

Some do better in their next relationship than their previous. If/when their ex finds out how much better, the ex wonders “Where was all that when it came to me?”

Hard to say really. Maybe the new interest has more boundaries that require the person to step things up, or the person learned from their mistakes and does better. Who knows?

If I could talk to my younger self, I would say so many things…

Then there are those who were hurt and betrayed so bad, they then become the one to break up in their next relationship as a sense of power. They also do it to prevent the other from calling it off and hurting them first.

Psychology can get complicated.

Al-x wrote:

Psychology can get complicated.

There’s a difference between Psychology and mind games.

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Todd

njerry wrote:

There’s a difference between Psychology and mind games.

There’s also a difference between saying profound things and sputtering nonsense loosely tied together by bland platitudes.

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Todd

There’s also a difference between trying to suck your own dick and spreading peanut butter on your own dick and getting the dog to lick it off.

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Christian, garjones, Sean Robinson, njerry, Todd, Dave

We can always rely on Bruce as the voice of experience.

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Bruce, Todd

Bruce wrote:

There’s also a difference between trying to suck your own dick and spreading peanut butter on your own dick and getting the dog to lick it off.

I’ve heard that sucking your own dick is a lot more like giving a blowjob than it is like receiving one.

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Bruce, Todd

Anonymous wrote:

Bruce wrote:

There’s also a difference between trying to suck your own dick and spreading peanut butter on your own dick and getting the dog to lick it off.

I’ve heard that sucking your own dick is a lot more like giving a blowjob than it is like receiving one.

Did you hear that from a “friend”?

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Anonymous wrote:

Bruce wrote:

There’s also a difference between trying to suck your own dick and spreading peanut butter on your own dick and getting the dog to lick it off.

I’ve heard that sucking your own dick is a lot more like giving a blowjob than it is like receiving one.

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Bruce, Todd

Todd wrote:

Did you hear that from a “friend”?

I wouldn’t say friend. Let’s call it a “professional relationship”.

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Todd

All I’m going to say is I’ve never owned a dog.

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Sean Robinson, Todd

njerry wrote:

There’s a difference between Psychology and mind games.

Let’s regroup.

@njerry… fellow

Please clarify the difference.

Al-x wrote:

Please clarify the difference.

Psychology is the scientific study of the human mind and its functions, especially those affecting behavior in a given context. Mind games are a series of deliberate actions or responses planned for psychological effect on another, typically for amusement or competitive advantage.

In simpler terms, psychology is a science that studies people’s behavior. Mind games is just fucking with people for one’s own pleasure or benefit; for example:

Al-x wrote:

Then there are those who were hurt and betrayed so bad, they then become the one to break up in their next relationship as a sense of power.

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Todd

[Al-x]

Well said.

Once again, you are a gentleman and a scholar.

I would add though, that some who purposely break up first to avoid feeling dumped do it as their defense mechanism and that involves psychology.

———————–

If you have had a tough conversation with whom you have a relationship with, you might find this to be of interest:

https://www.goalcast.com/difficult-conversations/?fbclid=IwAR1sivn8YTTfOUcPtS3vdxbDJwaAFY5i1wak3OPC-W7MXWLbRQWLnX6-vC8

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by Al-x.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by Al-x.

So does idjwshjdujtk.

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DavidM, Todd

As does “do me in the ass”.

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Christian, Todd

And also “peanut butter” and “lick it off, dog”

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Christian, garjones, Todd, Bruce

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Todd, JRCarter

Bruce wrote:

As does “do me in the ass”.

Anonymous wrote:

And also “peanut butter” and “lick it off, dog”

STOP READING MY DIARY!!!!!

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DavidM, Sean Robinson, njerry

Todd wrote:

STOP READING MY DIARY!!!!!

Oh, look, the texan is all about banning books. How utterly surprising.

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DavidM, Bruce, Sean Robinson, Todd, njerry

[Al-x]

Ok…

I was advised to discuss some manipulative methods here or in the random one instead of starting a new thread.

So here goes:

It’s been called gaslighting. It happened to me, but basically it is a covert type of emotional abuse where the bully or abuser misleads the target, creating a false narrative and making them question their judgments and reality.

It’s like the person makes a remark and some time later you call them on it, they get dodgy or shift the blame on you.

See this:

https://www.verywellmind.com/is-someone-gaslighting-you-4147470

Memorize This Conversation Formula to Stop Gaslighting Before It Starts

I guess some of the above applies if you are cordial. Personally, if someone tries to give me the runaround, deny what they did, get dodgy, lie. I would be like Michael who said: Don’t lie to me. It insults my intelligence and makes me very angry.

It is a very manipulative mindgame tactic. Just break up with them.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by Al-x.

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JRCarter

Todd wrote:

Bruce wrote:

As does “do me in the ass”.

Anonymous wrote:

And also “peanut butter” and “lick it off, dog”

STOP READING MY DIARY!!!!!

Oh! Not my diary!

That has 12 too.

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Todd

[Al-x]

Al-x wrote:

Ok…

I was advised to discuss some manipulative methods here or in the random one instead of starting a new thread.

So here goes:

It’s been called gaslighting. It happened to me, but basically it is a covert type of emotional abuse where the bully or abuser misleads the target, creating a false narrative and making them question their judgments and reality.

It’s like the person makes a remark and some time later you call them on it, they get dodgy or shift the blame on you.

See this:

https://www.verywellmind.com/is-someone-gaslighting-you-4147470

Memorize This Conversation Formula to Stop Gaslighting Before It Starts

I guess some of the above applies if you are cordial. Personally, if someone tries to give me the runaround, deny what they did, get dodgy, lie. I would be like Michael who said: Don’t lie to me. It insults my intelligence and makes me very angry.

It is a very manipulative mindgame tactic. Just break up with them.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 10 months ago by Al-x.

There is no such thing as gaslighting. It’s completely made up and you’re crazy for thinking it’s real.

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Sean Robinson, DavidM, Dave

Todd wrote:

There is no such thing as gaslighting. It’s completely made up and you’re crazy for thinking it’s real.

I agree with Todd, gaslighting is a real problem and you should stop doing it Al-X.

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Sean Robinson, Todd

Why do people still have gas lighting? I mean, electricity is available in virtually every urban and suburban area in the world, as well as most rural areas. And electric lights are more dependable and involve less maintenance than gas lighting. Seriously, people, it’s the 21st Century !!!!

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Al-x, Todd

Why is everyone talking about gaslighting? It only has 11 letters in it.

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Christian, Todd, DavidM

Gotham by Gaslighting pic.twitter.com/KPZNveqYXZ

— Daniel Warren (@danielwarren86) April 7, 2021

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Christian, Todd, njerry, DavidM

njerry wrote:

Seriously, people, it’s the 21st Century !!!!

*checks diary*

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Todd

DavidM wrote:

*checks diary*

Nope, also 11 even letters.

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DavidM, Todd

I Have a Husband and a Girlfriend — This Is Why Ethical Nonmonogamy Works For Us

A fancy way of saying “swinging”.

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Todd, njerry

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Todd, JRCarter, njerry

NFT = No Fucking Touch

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Todd

Best descriptions of NFTs I’ve heard…

“An NFT is a treasure map to a treasure that is worth less than what you paid for the map.”

“NFT hype is exactly like Tulipmania… if rather than an actual flower, you just paid for a picture of a Tulip that has the address on the back telling you exactly where the Tulip was at the time the picture was taken.”

And, of course, this one gets down to bottom of it, “NFTs are a scam to sell cryptocurrency.”

Essentially, that’s what all this is about. To purchase NFTs you first have to get a crypto wallet and pay by cryptocurrency. All these NFTs are really bait and switch schemes to get you into the blockchain and buying an asset – whatever crypto coin – that the sellers are likely pumping for a dump.

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DavidM, Todd

Gaslighting is an interesting concept. I mean if you told a schizophrenic there is no demon in the refrigerator he could accuse you of gaslighting. Not everything that makes someone doubt their own judgment is gaslighting.

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njerry

Ok… Here is another one

The guilt trip:

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/guilt-trips

To me it also involves making way too big of a deal over a very small offense, constantly bringing it up and practically
expecting the other person to get on their knees and publicly grovel to you for your forgiveness.
Some try to use it as a leverage “You owe me” thing, bring it up publicly to try to “cancel” the other person and so on.

Al-x wrote:

Ok… Here is another one

The guilt trip:

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/guilt-trips

To me it also involves making way too big of a deal over a very small offense, constantly bringing it up and practically
expecting the other person to get on their knees and publicly grovel to you for your forgiveness.
Some try to use it as a leverage “You owe me” thing, bring it up publicly to try to “cancel” the other person and so on.

I think you should be ashamed of posting this in the Relationship Thread Al.

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Todd

Dave wrote:

I think you should be ashamed of posting this in the Relationship Thread Al.

😂

Hey. This has to do with relationships that are not so right and the manipulative mind games one might play on the other as a means of control and “putting the other in their place”.

If you want to keep the thread light, go ahead then. This thread is open ended and something of a free for all to participate in.

Interestingly, the term gaslighting comes from the 1944 movie Gaslight

Tom Cat wrote:

Interestingly, the term gaslighting comes from the 1944 movie Gaslight

Actually, that is a remake.

There was a 1940 movie, which was based on a 1938 play.

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[Al-x]

Putting others in their place

It is one thing if at the family dinner table with guests, your young son or daughter says something inappropriate and embarrassing that they really shouldn’t be saying, so you might tell them politely not to say that. You have that right being the parent.

But do you have that right if it is your wife or girlfriend (or husband/boyfriend) to hush them in other situations? I have seen it where the guy talks over the girl etc. (In the last VP debate, Pence tried to talk over Kamala and she said “I’m speaking”. That instance went viral.)

I mean some get a feeling of “power” in hushing or going out of your way to “correct” others. (I mentioned before about how some French go out of their way to correct Haitians, or Americans correcting black English, Londoners correcting those of Carribean descent.)

That “correcting” even happens in public forums but I digress…

I have to say that if the intent is to really help, that is fine. But if the intent is to put your partner “in their place” then it is about the feeling of superiority and control. That sucks and is messed up in the relationship.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Al-x.

You’d still need to be conscious of cultural differences from your own. In many very male-dominated and traditional or conservative cultures, the expectations would be different, and in that sense you or I would be guilty of asserting our own opinions unwelcome to others by challenging the conventions of the culture or that specific family.

Anonymous wrote:

You’d still need to be conscious of cultural differences from your own. In many very male-dominated and traditional or conservative cultures, the expectations would be different, and in that sense you or I would be guilty of asserting our own opinions unwelcome to others by challenging the conventions of the culture or that specific family.

This is true…

Perhaps a clarification: It is one thing when for example, your 9 year old says something at the table in front of guests and you say “Please, adults are talking” etc. And also sometimes when your partner says something and you might give them a look or a nudge under the table and they understand. But to publicly hush someone in an embarrassing way as if you are in charge of them…

As for cultural differences and the Patriarchy… There are those who feel that “others” should be seen and not heard. They feel that these “others” are taking up too much space when they say anything. So they will try to talk over someone, interrupt them, “correct” them, even repeat what they said to get credit for it. It happens at work with men talking over women counterparts. This even happens in public forums and social media. I have to say there were a few who only want to acknowledge the posts of those like them or part of their tribe/clique and troll/downplay the others but I digress…

It is an abusive mindgame and a form of control in a relationship.

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Todd

[Al-x]

Happening kind of guy
————

I saw this on YouTube. Comedian DL Hughley has his take about Kanye stalking Kim, buying the house across the street, videos and songs that throw shade to beat up Kim’s boyfriend, his meltdown… Not that funny tbh especially from what you hear about obsessive exes even going as far as murder. No one pays attention until it is too late.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Al-x.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Al-x.
• This reply was modified 2 years, 9 months ago by Al-x.

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Well, as someone once pointed out – “where is the conservatorship for Kanye, or is that only something for women?”

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JRCarter, Todd

[Al-x]

Anonymous wrote:

Well, as someone once pointed out – “where is the conservatorship for Kanye, or is that only something for women?”

True… but what no one is noticing is that even Kim K with all her money and resources can not get full protection from Kanye. Also, many are making light of his public meltdowns and subtle threats to her boyfriend. I think DL is right. It will take a major incident to happen and then everyone will realize and be apologetic that they did not pay attention. Never mind the millions of other women who don’t have Kim K’s money.

————————-

It’s been 12 days.

You know the history of thread. I used to say (and still do) a LOT of sh*t here that may would rebut me on. Russell H, Stephanie, TMasters,  Parker McCombe…. Sabrina would target my postings I swear. 😂😂😂

Some came here just read my al-xisms for their own amusement. We all covered the friend zone, relationship manipulation, some psychology, the dating scene overseas according to cultures, dating shape,  oral intimacy, having a crush,  meeting the family, women, women’s attire, age difference, and so on. I used to post articles and stuff just to spur discussion. I was wrong. I should have just let it all go its own way. My bad.

 

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Al-x.

Al-x wrote:

It’s been 12 days.

Everything goes in cycles, pal. Especially on The Carrier. Don’t sweat it.

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Dave, Todd

Al-x wrote:

It’s been 12 days.

Okay?

Al-x wrote:

It’s been 12 days.

… and she still hasn’t gotten her period.

… and it still burns when I pee; I’d better go to the doctor for a penicillin shot.

… and still no sign of the rescue ship.

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Bruce

Al-x wrote:

It’s been 12 days.

No, no, the lyric goes:

It’s been several hours and fifteen days

It’s been one week since you looked at me
Cocked your head to the side
and said I’m angry
Five days since you laughed at me saying
Get that together come back and see me
Three days since the living room,
I realized it’s all my fault, but couldn’t tell you
Yesterday you’d forgiven me
But it’ll still be two days till I say I’m sorry

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Rocket, Ben

It’s been one week since we got to see
Cheatin’ lovers and cousins that marry
Five days since they had the show
With the hermaphrodite, the slut and the crack ho
Three days since we heard the tale
About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male
Yesterday it occurred to me
That I’ve been watchin’ a bit too much Jerry Springer

 

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Todd

Soooo…

And people said Will Smith didn’t have any more hits left in him.

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Andy, Bruce, DavidM, Todd, JRCarter

Well, that’s one way to have people talking about the oscars the next day…

Man, I hope that shit was scripted, because otherwise it’s really bad.

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JRCarter

I’m not sure anyone agrees to a script for their big Oscars win where that’s not the most interesting thing that happened to you that night.

My only real disappointment is that this didn’t happen during one of the awards shows that Ricky Gervais hosted.

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DavidM, Todd, Ben

[JRCarter]

On the one hand, I get that Will was defending Jada. You think someone’s attacking your significant other, you go on the attack. On the other hand, that could have been handled during a commercial break.

Of course, some are saying Will should have slapped the dude Jada had her “entanglement” with.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by JRCarter.

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Todd

[JRCarter]

JRCarter wrote:

On the one hand, I get that Will was defending Jada. You think someone’s attacking your significant other, you go on the attack. On the other hand, that could have been handled during a commercial break.

Of course, some are saying Will should have slapped the dude Jada had her “entanglement” with.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by JRCarter.

The whole thing was odd.

After Chris made the joke, Jada rolled her eyes but Will laughed out loud. Camera cuts to Chris who then says, “that was a nice one, yeah?” Next thing we see is Will going on stage and slapping Chris.

I wonder if Jada cut her eyes at Will and said something to the effect, “Are you going to let him disrespect me like that in front of the world?” Will then goes up and confronts Chris.

Honestly, I couldn’t help but to think of this when I saw the slap:

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JRCarter

So…

No more postings about Chris Rock’s divorce? 😂

Comedians will from now on reevaluate their material on how biting it is and how appropriate. And you know a Ricky Gervais is breathing a sigh of relief that he got away with some of his material in the past

Will stood up for his wife which is more than anyone can say for Ted Cruz for example.

Would you stand up for your partner if someone made a very biting remark in public? And that one was on international TV…

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JRCarter

Al-x wrote:

Would you stand up for your partner if someone made a very biting remark in public? And that one was on international TV…

Yes, but standing up for them might not automatically equate to slapping the person in the face.

Really, nobody comes out of this well. It was lame to make a joke about baldness caused by a medical condition, but it was also wrong to slap him in the face for it.

This is the kind of altercation I have to sort out between my kids, not grown adults.

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Todd, JRCarter

Al-x wrote:

Will stood up for his wife which is more than anyone can say for Ted Cruz for example. Would you stand up for your partner if someone made a very biting remark in public? And that one was on international TV…

Yeah, that’s not “standing up for your wife”, that’s commiting violence against someone literally just doing his job on live TV like a fuckin’ teenager.

He could taken the mic, say something about it and be done with it… but no.

It was honestly embarrassing all around, embarrassing for Karen Smith obviously and the Oscars for allowing that shit and then rewarding the dude like nothing happened… oh, and within the context of the violence in the world right now… good job everyone.

Man, can we cancel the oscars now? please?

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DavidM

Al-x wrote:

Will stood up for his wife which is more than anyone can say for Ted Cruz for example.

Do you want to get slapped by Heidi Cruz? Because this is how you get slapped by Heidi Cruz!

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Todd

I had to leave a rather “serious” thread and go to something a little lighter. So…

I said something years ago on MW that attractive men and women never really had to come across as being all this fun, so witty, so “happening” to get attention. They get it by default for the most part as most people flock to them over their looks.

The general consensus was that these model types aren’t that deep in personality as they never had to work on it. Parker McCombe disagreed with this generalization and he was right as there is such a thing as brains and beauty.

Now there is this term these days called “pretty privilege”  where “it is widely accepted that the more you resemble the beautiful people that we see in adverts, television, or in magazines, the more likely you will be rewarded financially or given a leg up society’s ladder,”

https://www.myimperfectlife.com/features/pretty-privilege

Isn’t that just saying “People like attractive people”?

And I agree with the point that not all physically attractive people are automatically vacuous. I’m sure some are but I’ve also known some attractive people who have been very smart and funny at the same time, just as I’ve known some people who are less attractive and are arseholes. It’s not as simple as there being just a few fixed types of person.

Dave wrote:

Isn’t that just saying “People like attractive people”?

Yes. The link had this woman who lost weight and afterwards looked hot. She said she then  got all this attention, invitations to social venues, asked on dates, etc. so much more than when she was 257. That is pretty privilege.

It is what I was getting at when I mentioned my al-xism “dating shape”. But that discussion and my point got lost into different nuances about what is dating shape, what is conventionally attractive to women, dad bods, etc.

Dave wrote:

Al-x wrote:

Would you stand up for your partner if someone made a very biting remark in public? And that one was on international TV…

Yes, but standing up for them might not automatically equate to slapping the person in the face.

Really, nobody comes out of this well. It was lame to make a joke about baldness caused by a medical condition, but it was also wrong to slap him in the face for it.

This is the kind of altercation I have to sort out between my kids, not grown adults.

It is a bit ironic that Will Smith is famous for his sarcastic, quick witted and quick comeback characters but couldn’t come up with anything to say in response. He might need to add a few writers to his entourage.

I can’t imagine his family and friends were proud of this.

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Todd

Also, that’s a bit of a girlie slap. Real men throw punches

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Todd

Anonymous wrote:

Dave wrote:

Al-x wrote:

Would you stand up for your partner if someone made a very biting remark in public? And that one was on international TV…

Yes, but standing up for them might not automatically equate to slapping the person in the face.

Really, nobody comes out of this well. It was lame to make a joke about baldness caused by a medical condition, but it was also wrong to slap him in the face for it.

This is the kind of altercation I have to sort out between my kids, not grown adults.

It is a bit ironic that Will Smith is famous for his sarcastic, quick witted and quick comeback characters but couldn’t come up with anything to say in response. He might need to add a few writers to his entourage.

I can’t imagine his family and friends were proud of this.

Supposedly, Smith has writers come in and work on his lines in a script to give them a “Will Smith flair”.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by GOLDIE M.B.E (@mrgoldie)

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Bruce, Todd

[Al-x]

I thought I could come here and escape that Will Smith stuff. I will try to make this relationship related.

Well, they have a somewhat open marriage. It is something like that movie “Hall Pass” where the husband or wife allows the other to have a fling over a period of time. Will evidently allowed Jada to go date and an “affair” with this other guy (August Alsina). She called it an “entanglement” and that expression went viral.

It may look odd to see a couple of color have that kind of marriage but… I don’t know. What a couple tolerates in their relationship is their business. They don’t have to answer to me or you and your standards. Swinging, wife swapping, throuples, whatever.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Al-x.

Al-x wrote:

What a couple tolerates in their relationship is their business.

Remember you said this the next time you want to ask some questions about how people around here conduct themselves in their relationships or have worked stuff out.

Anonymous wrote:

Remember you said this the next time you want to ask some questions about how people around here conduct themselves in their relationships or have worked stuff out.

That was just a futile effort spur discussion. But now, the thread goes rudderless.

Al-x wrote:

But now, the thread goes rudderless.

I can help with that.

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Bruce, Christian, Todd, Arjan Dirkse, Tom Cat

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Bruce, Todd, Dave

Well, the Ant-Man 3 poster is not what I expected.

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Bruce, Christian, Todd

This thread is getting ruddy good now!

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Bruce, Todd

Ruddy in the nuddy!

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Todd

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[Al-x]

Meeting the parents
Reading the room

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Al-x.

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Todd

[Al-x]

Al-x wrote:

Meeting the parents
Reading the room

• This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by Al-x.

Pulling the pudding.
Spanking the monkey.

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garjones, Todd

Ok… back again

I had to stop that posting as something came up.
That is why it is so abrupt.

Then again, if I were to continue, I would be going
back on what I said about no rudder in the thread.

So I will leave things at that. Start your own relationship
related content. Carry on. 😁

Al-x wrote:

I had to stop that posting as something came up.

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Al-x, Todd, Dave

I’m not defending either of them, they both seem like assholes.

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Al-x

Last week, because there was nothing important going on in the UK or the rest of the world, Sky News was able to devote an hour a day to court testimony from some random people’s private domestic dispute

 

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Todd

DavidM wrote:

Last week, because there was nothing important going on in the UK or the rest of the world, Sky News was able to devote an hour a day to court testimony from some random people’s private domestic dispute

 

Reddit is chock full of that celebrity worship bullshit too.

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Todd

Arjan Dirkse wrote:

I’m not defending either of them, they both seem like assholes.

Amen Arjan

The thing is, when the MeToo movement was on everyone’s minds and all the young women came forward with their

personal stories at work and everyday things, the women were all given the benefit of any doubt.

 

Now, with Amber Heard and some of her lies and fabrications, it is like the crying wolf story, and now the fear that men will use this and

now say “but what about Amber Heard?”

 

It is a mess…

There will always be cases in which the man is actually not to blame (or not solely). It’s just important to keep in mind that those exceptions are pretty few and far between.

I don’t really have the energy to follow that trial beyond stumbling across mini-clips from it now and then.

Al-x wrote:

Now, with Amber Heard and some of her lies and fabrications, it is like the crying wolf story, and now the fear that men will use this and now say “but what about Amber Heard?”   It is a mess…

Well you always need to go in with an open mind and judge a case on its own merits, you can’t go “well in this previous case the woman was to blame, so that’s probably true here as well”.

Exactly Arjan. I mean the judiciary should be at several levels above following the last celebrity case.

Women can and do lie, I personally know a woman who cried rape because she was angry and then reversed it under scrutiny (and in this case I know that wasn’t unfair pressure in the system, me and my friends were his alibi, he never even met her that night) but the approach should never be that has a bias to the next case.

The approach should be that the police take an approach of believing the complainant. The court case will then weigh the evidence up.

 

[Al-x]

garjones wrote:

The approach should be that the police take an approach of believing the complainant. The court case will then weigh the evidence up.

Well…technically court cases should be without bias.

Now Depp’s women lawyers are showing how Amber manipulated and goaded him into outrages all the while the outrage was secretly
recorded on video. It is a mess.

With regards to asserting charges and so on, there is also the matter of everyone being on the same page as to wording of things. During the MeToo movement when it was at the forefront, some women related incidents of guys who pinched them in the a$$ and that was called sexual assault. Now, for the longest time, “sexual assault” was applied to outright rape. Now we have to rethink things that there are varying degrees of SA.

It is a long way to go.

• This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by Al-x.

Honestly I don’t even know about the Heard/Depp thing. It just sounds like a horribly abusive relationship overall, and I think I’d have to dig very deep into this and watch all of the trial to be able to form an opinion beyond that. It’s deeply problematic that there are hundreds of memes on social media now celebrating Depp and ripping apart Heard. I very much doubt that the truth of it is as simple as that.

I read a little bit about it on wiki and other places and it’s really fucking weird. It’s a defamation trial, Johnny Depp alleges that an article about domestic abuse  Heard had published in a newspaper defamed him, but the article doesn’t even mention Depp’s name. So I don’t even understand what Depp is accusing her off.

 

It seems for many people the trial is just about wether Depp or Heard is a bad person.

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Al-x

This Vox article gives a good summary of the trial and the oddity surrounding it. It is interesting they mention Jennifer Freyd, an esteemed researcher on trauma and abuse who also alleged she was herself sexually abused by her parents. Freyd said abusers in thier own accounts often reverse who is the victim and who is the offender, that their allegations are hurtful and themselves a form of abuse. Freyd’s parents denied the abuse and went on to start the False Memory Syndrom Foundation, which has defended people alleged of sexual abuse (often involving children). People associated with the FMSF have defended people like Ghislaine Maxwell and Harvey Weinstein, but also people accused in the context of the “satanic abuse panic”.

 

The Johnny Depp-Amber Heard defamation trial, explained – Vox

 

 

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Al-x

Vox has another good article on it:

https://www.vox.com/culture/23131538/johnny-depp-amber-heard-tiktok-snl-extremism

A good amount of what it covers I haven’t seen as I’m not on TikTok and tend to be careful on Twitter.  Can I buy that it’s happening? Yes.  It’s not a big leap to make.  Especially what is known of social media’s worst aspects.